This Crush is Killing Me
by EricBonesVladCurran
Summary: A short drabble of what Eric might be thinking during episode 3x08, and his reasons for his actions.


**This Crush is Killing Me – A short drabble of what Eric might be thinking during episode 3x08, and his reasons for his actions.**

_A/N - I usually don't write this sort of thing, but I titled a recent email to a friend with "this crush is killing me" and it was too perfect for what's going on with Eric and Sookie to waste. And, no, my crush issues have not yet been resolved, _sigh_. But they also don't include Eric Northman, because he and the rest of True Blood and SVM don't belong to me._

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The sun rises. I feel it coursing through my veins-sedating my every thought, my every move. It's inescapable that a vampire must sleep during the day time, yet for the second day in a row I find myself leaking the powerful elixir that is my thousand year old blood.

I used to care. No. That's a lie. I never cared much about the vampire tradition of blood being a sacred communion that should only be spilled for making a child. It echoes the Catholic teachings about semen, (mostly because a vampire pope added that teaching) and I find it as outdated as the Shreveport Catholics find their religion's proclamation. Why would you _only_ have sex or _only_ use your innate power to procreate? But I digress.

The reason I'm awake today, my "sacred" blood dripping down my neck, pooling on my collarbone, is to catch Sookie's cousin. I need to make certain a message gets to her -without the interference of that sneaky bastard, William Compton.

That's why I can't text the message to Alcide, it's why I can't just call Lafayette or the shifter. I have to make certain that the message gets to her precisely, from someone Sookie will trust. Pam, of course, would fulfill the first condition. But after all she's been through I wouldn't ask her right now, even if I did think there was a chance Sookie would believe her.

I couldn't ask for a more perfect messenger than Hadley. Sookie's family loyalty runs deep-even when it means unconditionally loving a brother who would have trouble counting to a hundred even if his life depended on it. Hadley's had my blood so I'll know if something goes wrong, and she truly believes I am a threat. Sophie-Anne knows me better; that's why her reaction was so blasé in her dayroom yesterday. But Hadley, she knows her girlfriend is no longer in charge, and just like her more delectable cousin, she has a strong sense of self-preservation.

With the werewolf guards stalking the corridors, I have a very small timeframe in which to act. I stood by the door of my bedroom earlier this week and listened for footfalls during the day. As I'd suspected, Russell's V-addled minions half-assed their jobs all the way. They would show up just before sunrise to report for duty, but then they wouldn't make any rounds until 10 in the morning. I guess coffee takes longer to brew and drink in Mississippi.

Today I lay here, awake, fighting a force stronger than gravity. I count the seconds, and think about what I'd felt from Sookie this past day and night.

After her frustration (and even boredom) was put to rest, first there was fear, followed by anger, followed by joy. When Talbot mentioned Lorena earlier tonight, my suspicion that Sookie had killed Bill's maker was confirmed. Then some more fear, anger, happiness, joy-she clearly ran into some trouble leaving the estate-no surprise there-and Bill was clearly still alive.

An inconvenient development, to say the least.

I knew the likelihood of Compton _not_ hurting Sookie was just about zero if she was left alone with him. Which, knowing altogether too well the level of her infatuation with Bill and how long it had been since she'd seen him, I knew she would put herself next to a starved vampire, oblivious to the ambrosial nature of her blood.

And so the pain started. Combined with Pam's agony, it was a wonder I had any daytime rest at all yesterday. But I forced myself; I need to be sharp when dealing with my new "king." Russell had already mentioned to me his plan for getting Pam to safety, and knowing the Queen's secret assured me that Sookie would not die, or be turned, from a draining.

But now my child is safe. Sookie is healed-and presumably broken up from Compton if her sadness is any indication. I've had my revenge on Sophie-Anne. I am on the precipice of completing a thousand year old quest-the dying wish of my father, made while my infant sister's corpse lay feet away from me, will finally be fulfilled.

And yet, I feel a deep discontentment.

I want that which I can not have now. Patience has never been my strong suit, and given Sookie's mortality, my agitation is disconcertingly high.

In the few years of my human existence, and the long years of my vampire existence, I've never found a woman who makes me feel the way Sookie does. It sounds clichéd when I think it, but it's true. I've felt deep love and joy in relationships over the years, my relationships with Pam and Godric are a couple good examples of that. But Sookie, I feel as though she matches me. She fits me. As they say nowadays, she "gets" me. And now that I've had a few drops of what her companionship would feel like, I'm doubtful I'd ever find something like it anywhere else.

And so, I lay awake, listening for the weres' footfalls to fade away, waiting for the moment of anxiety that inevitably befalls a human when their bladder is full and they realize they have to find a bathroom. I feel resigned to my fate-or maybe that's just the bleeds talking. I try to focus on the joy I will feel when I have my revenge on Russell. I try to focus on the relief I feel from knowing Pam is safe once again. I try to focus on anything, anything at all, but how good it feels when I'm in Sookie's presence.

I try, but I fail. And I fear now that this crush is killing me.

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**A/N Please read and review! Your reviews to me are like Sookie's blood to a vampire! I would love to hear what you think of my theories of Eric's reasoning, and, more importantly, what your theories are!**_

_BTW__-__I hope I didn't offend any Catholics! There's a season two FotS scene which mentions a vampire pope, so I ran with that idea._

___If you liked this story, you might enjoy some of my other _True Blood___ stories! :)_


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